Chapter 9. Mavis Has A Dream

Chapter 9
Mavis has a dream.

(This story is entirely ficticious)

By the time Geoffrey and Mavis got home that night they were both very agitated and thoroughly miserable.
“Look at all this” Mavis said showing Geoffrey the multitude of bags full of clothes Juicey had made her buy. “That girl has got the taste of an alley cat and if she thinks I'm every going to wear any of this, she's got another thing coming!”
Geoffrey looked sadly at the mixture of brightly coloured 'frocks' and smart looking trouser suits. He tried to picture Mavis wearing any of these outfits and the phrase mutton and lamb came to mind. Which was, in his view, a much better phrase than steak and oysters. Not that he had anything against steak but he had never liked oysters and now, having watched Milkem and Bankrupt eating oysters and listening to them making lewd suggestions of what else they could eat this way, had make Geoffrey feel quite sick. He had always felt himself to be a very broad minded person but, with every moment he spent with Milkem and Bankrupt, he could feel his mind shrinking.
“I so wish we could turn back time and have our old business back” he told Mavis. “We might not have made millions but at least we knew what we were doing. I feel all up in the air now.”
Mavis agreed. She didn't like what was happening to the Northern Block Toffee Company at all. Neither did she like being marched around the shops by a pompous little madam and made to waste perfectly good money on clothes she didn't like or want.
“You have to think of the image of the Company” Juicey had insisted. “And its going to take quite a few trips like this before we get your wardrobe in order. Don't think you can get away with a couple of dresses and a few suits, we need to get you organised from head to toe. I'm not even going to ask you the kind of underwear you've got on because I can imagine it's bloomers and a liberty bodice.”
Mavis herself had said very little throughout the shopping trip except to repeat several times that she couldn't understand what her wardrobe had to do with toffee. Back at home now she could only reflect on the days events as a total disaster and the very thought she would have to repeat this performance was enough to give her nightmares. Which it did.
That night she tossed and turned and when she eventually fell asleep she went into a deep dark dream. In her dream she was out shopping with Juicey Lucy and Juicey was making Mavis buy and wear terrible gawdy skimpy outfits and skirts so short they showed her knickers and shoes with heels so high she could hardly walk in them. And as Mavis walked along the High Street everyone was staring at her an laughing. Even Juicey Lucy was laughing and pointing until Mavis was in tears of humiliation.
But then, suddenly, Mavis felt a terrible rage come over her. She felt her lips tighten and her eyes narrow. She looked at Juicey Lucy who was standing on the edge of the pavement and, seeing a double decker bus coming up the road, Mavis launched herself at Juicey and pushed her in front of the bus. Juicey went down like a ton of brick and the terrified bus driver couldn't help but hit her.
“You'll think twice about taking me shopping again” Mavis growled at Juciey and then she turned to walk away. But, to her horror, the crowd of people who had gathered at the scene of the crime, grabbed her and started shouting.
“I saw that” one old lady shouted, “I saw that woman push that poor young lass under the bus.”
“Murderer, murderer,” shouted someone else.
“Call the police” shouted another “pin her down on the floor while we get the police”.
“Look at her” shouted an elderly gent “look at the way she's dressed. Short skirt and high heels at her age. You can see what line of business she's in! Likes of her shouldn't be allowed out.”
“Probably killed the young lass out of jealousy” yelled a very mouthy middle aged lady. “Don't matter what you wear love” she shouted at Mavis, “there's no way you're ever going to float anyone's boat.”
“You don't understand” Mavis tried to shout back. “I had to do it. She was making me show the whole world my knickers.”
“Oh, like you're not perfectly willing to show them on your own” came a vicious voice.
At this point Mavis tried to run away from the crowd but they grabbed her arms savagely. She struggled and struggled, sure they would do something really dreadful to her. Which may well have been the case except that Geoffrey shook her awake at that moment.
“Hey lass” he said trying to calm his hysterical wife down, “what ever is the matter? What on earth were you dreaming about?”
“Oh Fudge” Mavis said clinging to Geoffrey's neck “It were terrible. I dreamt I pushed Juicey Lucy under a bus and killed her! And then all these people Fudge, they all grabbed hold of me and I think they would have murdered me and....”
“But they didn't” said Geoffrey consolingly “and what's more, they couldn't because it was just a dream love.”
“But it was so real Geoffrey. I really thought I was a goner. And as for poor Juicey, I know I don't like the girl but I don't know what came over me, suddenly I was like some evil banshee. I knew exactly what I was doing Geoffrey and I can tell you that I deliberately pushed the poor girl right in front of a bus. She didn't have a chance.”
“Now come on Mother. Pull yourself together. I know how you feel, I had just the same feelings when I dreamt I killed Mr Chargingbull. But I say to you now what you said to me then. It were just a dream.”
Eventually Mavis calmed down but she was frightened to go back to bed in case the nightmare started again. So instead, they got up and had some cocoa and then played Dominos until the sun was up. Because it was now Saturday, they didn't have to go to work but they decided not to do what they usually did on Saturday because Mavis had had more than enough of shopping. So instead and as a special treat, they spent the afternoon with their local Line Dancing Group which they had practically ignored since Mr Soderbread had given them the five million pounds.
That night they both slept like babies. They had a restful Sunday and Mavis made a nice roast beef with Yorkshire pud for lunch. And by Monday morning they were fresh as daisy's. Mavis had even decided she would try to be a bit more friendly with Juicey Lucy.
Unfortunately that particular plan didn't get off to a very good start because Juicey didn't come in to work. But Milkem did and he looked terrible. He was white as a sheet and looked as if he hadn't slept a wink.
“What ever's the matter with you lad” Geoffrey asked him.
“Something terrible has happened” Milkem said. “Mavis, prepare yourself, sit down. You too Geoffrey, sit down because I've got some really sad news.”
Geoffrey and Mavis sat down and, in the back of their minds, they both had a very good idea what the sad news was. And it wasn't anything to do with any ones budgie dying.
“I'm very sorry to tell you that there's been a dreadful accident and poor Juicey Lucy is dead.”
“Oh my goodness,” said Geoffrey “what on earth happened?”
“Unbelievably” said Milkem with genuine tears in his eyes, “it seems that some lunatic woman pushed Juicey right underneath a ten ton truck!”
“A truck” shreiked Mavis “are you sure?”
“What d'you mean am I sure” said Milkem? “I've spent most of the weekend talking to the police and I've been to the mortuary. There's very little mistaking the damage a ten ton truck can do to a person.”
“But are you really sure” asked Mavis? “Was it definitely a truck and not a bus?”
“Whatever is the matter with you Mavis” asked Milkem? “Yes it was a truck and a fucking big one at that. But what does it matter if it was a truck or a bus? What difference would it make? Juicey is dead!”
“It's terrible” said Geoffrey “absolutely terrible. I really don't know what to say Mr Milkem.”
“Of course Mr Bankrupt is beside himself. Juicey was the best PA he ever had. And Mr Soderbread has had to take a holiday to get over the shock.”
“Why” asked Mavis? “It's not as if she was his PA?”
“No she wasn't Mavis. But Mr Soderbread is a kind and caring person and he likes to think of his customers and their staff as his family. Juicey was like a daughter to him.”
Geoffrey and Mavis exchanged glances and, for the first time ever, they were grateful their own daughter had emigrated to Canada ten years ago.
“Anyway” said Milkem sadly, “life goes on and you are now one staff member down. So I'm sending my own PA, Miss Sucit, in as a temporary replacement.”
“Do we really need her” asked Mavis? “I mean it's not as if we're making any toffee and we're certainly not selling any.”
“And on the subject of toffee” said Geoffrey, “I've been meaning to have a word with you about....”
But Milkem cut him dead. “Today Geoffrey, is hardly the day to be talking about toffee. Juicey's not even in her grave yet and you want to go back to work as normal?”
“Point taken” said Geoffrey. “But with things as they are, I'd say making toffee wasn't work as usual. In fact it's become very unusual.”
Still Milkem wasn't having any of it. “I suggest we all take the day off” he told them. “Then tomorrow, I suggest a bit of retail therapy is in order, to cheer ourselves up. It's what Juicey would have wanted.”
Mavis was inclined to agree that Juicey was all up for retail therapy at every possible opportunity. But she personally was all retail therapied out.
“What kind of retail therapy did you have in mind” she asked Milkem nervously.
“Cars” he said immediately, “Company cars. I've been meaning to get round to it for ages and I just haven't had a chance.”
“But you drive an Aston Martin” Geoffrey pointed out. “Why would you need another car.”
“Because” Milkem explained with a definite hint of exasperation in his voice, “that Aston martin is my Company car from a different Company. By rights I shouldn't be driving that car to work here at the Northern Block Toffee Company because that car belongs to the Best Bonking Bed Company. So I need to get a car for here. Do you see?”
They didn't.
“So what happens when you work half a day at the Best Bonking bed Company and half a day here” asked Mavis?
“Well, to be honest Mavis, there are times when I have to stretch the rules. Especially as I have over fifty directorships. There are days when I could spend most of the day going from Jag to Merc to Roller, just to be politically correct. But” he concluded happily, “ as long as I have Company car from each Company, I can justify the fact I occasionally drive the wrong car to the wrong Company.”
“So what car were you thinking of getting from this Company” asked Geoffrey miserably.
“Actually” Milkem said brightening considerably and with all thought of Juicey out of his mind now, “I was thinking, that until we get the Company really up and running, I'd just get a little run around. Something like a Porche or a Maserratti. What d'you think?”
They didn't.
“And what about you two? Have you thought about what car you'd like?”
“We're quite happy with our old Volvo Estate” said Geoffrey. “we've had her for years but there's a good few miles left in her yet.”
“That's as maybe” said Milkem sounding exasperated again “but you've got to get it into your heads that image is everything. You driving round in a beaten up old Volvo is like a big advert saying 'the Northern Block Toffee Company is not a success.' You've got to stop being selfish Geoffrey and start thinking about the greater good. Now what kind of car do you want?”
Neither Geoffrey or Mavis could give him an answer because they had never had the least interest in cars. The factory was a two minute walk from their home. The High Street was two minutes away from the factory and the only reason they had a car at all was because they occasionally took themselves off for a weekend in Scarborough.
“Right, I can't waste any more time on this” Milkem snapped at them. “If you can't make your minds up, I'll just have to choose for you. Roller it is.”
“Roller” shrieked Mavis. “Do you mean a Rolls Royce? Why would Geoffrey and I want a Rolls Royce?”
“I don't care if you want one or not” said Milkem. “You're going to have one. It's what Juicey would have wanted for you.”

Copyright N barton 2009

Chapter 8. A New World

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Chapter 8

A New world.

(This story is entirely ficticious)

Over the next few weeks Geoffrey and Mavis felt they had moved to a different world. Milkem and Bankrupt moved about ten new people into their tiny factory and, although Stan, Irene and Reginald were still there, they couldn't do any work because they were falling over new people all the time. And these people seemed incredibly busy. In particular they were busy decorating.

Mr Bankrupts personal assistant, Juicey Lucy, appeared to be in charge. Mavis wasn't at all happy about this.

“If she were my daughter I'd be wiping all that paint of her face and buying her a few clothes that were the right size and didn't show what most ladies keep as a Sunday treat for their husbands” she said.

“I think young girls think differently about that sort of thing” said Geoffrey nervously. “They're less timid these days about showing what they've got hidden.”

“That one hasn't got it hidden at all” Mavis snapped at him. “I could tell you how many Weetabix she's had for breakfast. If those knickers she wears got any smaller, they'd be called postage stamp on string. And if her breasts come any further out of that dress they'll be punching us all in the face every time we talk to her!”

Geoffrey decided to err on the side of caution and said as little as possible about Juicey. And so the battle between the two ladies continued on a daily basis.

“Mavis,” Juicey would say almost every morning, “if I've asked you once I've asked you a hundred times, what colour do you want your office painted? And do you want basket weave or shag pile on the floor?”

And every morning, Mavis just looked at her with disdain.

“I don't want basket weave or shag pile” she said angrily, “I just want to make toffee and we're about 15,000 bars down on the orders.”

The debate was endless. Juicey insisted that no more toffee should be made until the ambiance was right because customers coming into what she called 'this cattle shed' would not be inspired to buy anything. Mavis insisted that her customers, who she'd had for years, weren't interested in coming to visit, they just wanted their toffee delivered on time.

“And another thing” Juicey said “you, Mavis, are a Director of this Company and we can't have you coming to work and putting your slippers on. Not to mention the fact that you appear to be buying your clothes from Oxfam.”

“I do” Mavis confirmed.

“Right, note in diary” said Juicey, “Once a week, take Mavis shopping.”

“But I don't want to go shopping once a week” Mavis said indignantly, “I just want to make toffee.”

Things could have been a lot worse between Mavis and Juicey but for the intervention of Mr Soderbread who was continually popping round to see how things were progressing. As Mr Bankrupt very rarely put in an appearance, Mr Soderbread insisted he would get his updates via quick meetings with Juicey in the Board room, which was previously the store room for the toffee ingredients.

It did not escape the notice of Geoffrey, Mavis, Stan, Irene or Reginald that both Mr Soderbread and Juicey herself, came out of these meetings very flushed.

“These young people seem to have very intense Board Meetings these days” commented Stan. “I wish I had the energy to get so animated about a business meeting. Still, they look as if they're getting a lot done.”

Mavis wasn't convinced. Nor did she like the quick grin that past between Geoffrey and Stan on the matter of these Board Meetings.

After a month the Northern Block Toffee Company factory looked like a completely different place. Everywhere you looked there were fake leather sofa's with leopard skin throws, the walls were adorned with minimalist paintings and in every room there was a very pretty young girl or very intense looking young man, all working away furiously on computers and all looking very busy. What there wasn't was anywhere to make toffee.

Geoffrey, Mavis, Irene, Reginald and Stan, spent most of their time sitting in Mavis's newly refurbished office (with purple shag pile) playing Domino's and drinking tea. Every day Geoffrey would attempt to organise a meeting with Milkem, Bankrupt, Soderbread or even with Juicey Lucy but they were all far too busy. And when ever he broached the fact they were no longer producing toffee and had now lost the majority of their old customers, he was always told he shouldn't worry and that very soon now Northern Block would be launching on the world markets.

At the end of the first month Mr Milkem arrived in the office and gave Geoffrey and Mavis a cheque for £12,500 each.

“How can we be getting so much money” geoffrey asked him? “We haven't sold any toffee this month.”

“Doesn't matter” said Milkem happily, “we'll soon be selling it by the ton.”

“How can we do that when we're not actually making it?” asked Mavis.

Milken didn't answer but just winked at her as if to say 'that's all you know.' At that moment Juicey Lucy joined them.

“Right Mavis” she snapped, “slippers off, coat on, we're going shopping.”

“Oh no we're not” Mavis snapped back at her.

“Now come on Mavis” said Milkem, “you go off with Juicey and do what you girls do best – shop. Here” he said handing both women a wad of notes, “get yourselves a little something extra from me.”

Mavis started to object and tried to hand the money back but Milkem wasn't having it.

“I insist Mavis” he said sternly. “Now off you go and I'll just take Geoffrey down to the wine bar for a spot of lunch.”

“But I've got my cheese and chutney sandwich” said Geoffrey getting the sandwich out of Mavis's shopping bag. “Mavis and I always have cheese and chutney at lunchtime.”

Milkem took it off him and threw it in the bin. “Live dangerously Geoffrey” he said “let's go to the winebar and have some steak and oysters.” Then he marched to the door and held it open until Geoffrey followed him. Which he did with much trepidation and with a backwards glance at Mavis that said 'help'. But Mavis had her own problems.

7 the Deal

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS
AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH
By
Geoffreysmum

(This story is entirely fictitious)

7
The Deal

After Mr Bankrupt had left, Mr Milkem got out three glasses and a bottle of malt whiskey.
“I want us to drink to a successful business partnership” he told Geoffrey and Mavis. “I'd say that with your product and my commercial capabilities, we'll be the leader in the world toffee market in a couple of years and maybe sooner.”
“But....” Geoffrrey tried to interrupt but to no avail.
“Not that it won't be hard work” Milkem continued. “I mean I don't know anything about the toffee business but...”
“What d'you mean you don't know anything about toffee” Mavis asked him? “Mr Soderbread said it was your line of expertise. He said you know everything there is to know about confectionery.”
Milkem looked uneasy for a second but he soon bounced back. “Confectionery yes” he assured them, “I know a lot about confectionery but I know it in a sort of all encompassing way so I've never had the time to go into specifics.”
Geoffrey and Mavis did not looked convinced.
“It's very simple” he told them. “If you take a famous brand of confectionery like....” he struggled to think of one, “like Heinz for example, they have people who make their chocolate and...”
“Heinz don't make chocolate” said Geoffrey, “they make beans and..”
“Oh I think you'll find they make chocolate as well” Milkem assured them. “they may make it under another name, a name not necessarily readily identifiable to the consumer but..”
“Under what name” asked Mavis?
“well I don't know, I was just trying to give you an example.”
But you gave us an example of someone who makes beans and you're supposed to be an expert in confectionery” Mavis insisted.
“Look, forget Heinz for the moment” said Milkem getting exasperated, “if we have to use a consumer friendly brand, you give me the name of a confectionery company.”
“Cadbury's?”
“Right Cadbury's it is” Milkem sighed. “Now in Cadbury's, there are the people who make the chocolate, the people who market the chocolate, the people who sell the chocolate and then there's the people at the top who make sure that all of those other people do their jobs. And that's me. I'm the person at the top. So I never actually learn how to make the chocolate and I never actually have anything to do with it, I just.....”
“Sit in a big office waiting for everyone else to do their job so you can make money” said Mavis.
“Yes I just...... No, no, no, no Mavis. I have the hardest job of everyone because I have to make sure everything runs like clockwork. You see its like a house of cards, if the card at the bottom falls, then all the others do to. Do you see?”
They didn't.
“You see I say I'm the man at the top Mavis but actually, I'm the man at the bottom holding up all the other cards because I am the culmination of all the other cards. If I fall, you all fall. Do you get it now?”
They didn't.
“But if you don't know how to do the jobs that everybody else does, how can you make sure we all do them properly?” asked Mavis.
“It's complicated” Milkem assured them. “But we will get it sorted and, let's not forget that you and Geoffrey are still the main Directors in the Company so it's still down to you both to run it the way you want to.”
“Really” said Geoffrey?
“Oh yes, this is your Company. Mr bankrupt and I may be the main shareholders on behalf of the Bank but you and Mavis are the Company. We are just here to give you good commercial advice in our positions as CEO and Chairman but that doesn't mean it's our company.” Milkem beamed at them. “So let's raise our glasses to a successful partnership.” And with that he poured three healthy measures of malt.
“Oh” said Geoffrey, “well, if we're still in charge so to speak, I suppose that's all right then. But there is just one thing we're not happy about.”
“And what's that” said Milkem in obliging tones.
“It's about the toffee. You see we just can't see how Stan can make five million bars of toffee a year. It's just not possible.”
Milkem shook his head sagely. “Don't you worry about that” he said. “You just leave that to me. Now about these contracts.”

To be continued.......

Copyright N Barton 2008

6. The Directors

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS
AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH
By geoffreysmum

(This story is entirely fictitious)

6.

The Directors

Geoffrey and Mavis had a restless night and eventually they got up at 3.00am and made some cocoa. They sat in the kitchen considering the last days events.

“I don't know Mother, something doesn't seem right” said Geoffrey. “One minute Mr Chargingbull is trying to close us down, then he dies and our new manager is trying to give us five million pounds.”

“That's a lot of money Fudge” said Mavis.

“It certainly is” said Geoffrey sadly. “I've worked it out Mavis. At the moment we have 26 customers who buy, on average 200 bars of toffee a week. Is that right?” Mavis nodded. “ So every week we sell 5200 bars of toffee and we make just over £1000 worth of profit.” Mavis nodded. “And that pays us and Stan and Irene and Reginald and the Bank loan and the rent.” Mavis nodded. “And that seems to me to be a very comfortable arrangement.”

“It's worked very well so far” Mavis agreed.

“Do you know how many bars of toffee we'd have to sell just to service the interest of a five million pound loan?” Mavis didn't. “We'd have to sell somewhere in the region of one million bars of toffee a year before we paid anyone or anything other than the bank.”

“A million bars a year! Are you mad” said Mavis?

“It gets worse” her husband continued. “They want to get in loads of extra staff and new equipment and new Directors, not to mention buying a new factory. I reckon that to cover all that we'd have to be selling somewhere in the region of five million bars of toffee a year.”

“That's impossible” said Mavis outraged. “There's no way in the world Stan could stir enough toffee for five million bars a year!”

“D'you know what Mother” said Geoffrey? “I think we're going to have to turn down Mr Soderbreads kind offer. I honestly believe it would be better to lose it all now than end up with millions of pounds worth of debt.”

“Oh Fudge, what a terrible position to be in” said Mavis.

And so they went to the factory in the morning all ready to tell Mr Bankrupt and Mr Milkem that they couldn't go ahead with the loan. But these two gentlemen had other ideas.

“Geoffrey and Mavis” said Mr Milkem as soon as they walked in the door, “Lovely to meet you. Here's the facility letter and the contracts. Sign here and Mr bankrupt will deal with everything else from here on in.”

“Where's Stan and Irene” said Geoffrey looking around?

“We sent them home” said the very smarmy looking Mr Bankrupt. “We've given them their redundancy letters. Good settlement but we don't need them any more.”

“What” screamed Geoffrey outraged “who doesn't need Stan? He's the best toffee man in the business. We can't make toffee without Stan! And where's Reginald. And who's stirring the toffee? And why isn't our Abba record playing?”

“It's all going to be very different now” said Mr Bankrupt smugly. “You just wait and see Geoffrey and Mavis, you just sign these papers, leave it up to us and you can be sunning yourselves in Antigua or Barbados all year long while we make your millions.”

“I can tell you right now Mr Bankrupt, nobody's going to be making any millions or indeed, any toffee if you don't get Stan and Irene and Reginald back, right now. Because I'm not going to sign one single paper until they're all back in their places.”

Mr Bankrupt started to snarl in no uncertain terms. It was an unwholesome sound, somewhere between a jackal and a hyena but Mr Milken put on his most confused face. “Really,” he said to Geoffrey, “I had no idea these people were so important. I looked at their wage slips and thought they were just casual staff. But now you've put it like that, we'll get them back and we'll put them on appropriate pay packages. What would you say, £50,000?”

“Between them” asked Geoffrey trying to work out the sums.

“Each” said Milkem. “Staff of that calibour are worth at least £50k each. And while we're on the subject, what about you and Mavis? Directors of such an important Company, you must be worth at least £150,000 each?”

Geoffrey and Mavis could only stare at him open mouthed.

“Agreed then” said Milkem. “Now, Mr Bankrupt if you could just go and find Stan, Irene and Reginald, I'll just have a quick Board meeting with my new partners, Geoffrey and Mavis.

Mavis was quite sure she heard Mr bankrupt growling as he left the room but, she was so shocked at the latest turn of events, she put it out of her head for the time being. It came back repeatedly.

To be continued........

Copyright N Barton 2008

5. The Second Meeting

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS

AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH

by

Geoffreysmum

This story is entirely fictitious.

5.

The Second Meeting.

It turned out that Mr Soderbread wasn't at all like Mr Chargingbull. In fact, by comparison, he seemed almost charming.

“The thing is” he told Geoffrey and Mavis, “the Bank has got new policies and we can only support Companies with a really healthy profile and a hefty turn over. Now I can see you have a nice little business but, is it right for this Bank?”

“Mr Likemall used to say we had the best Toffee Company for miles around” Mavis said.

“That's as maybe” said Soderbread, “but we're not interested in local Companies, we're interested in International Companies. So the question is, could you become an International Company?”

Mavis and Geoffrey looked doubtful.

“I don't see how we could” said Geoffrey. “Our toffees good enough, in fact I'd say we definitely make world class toffee. But we've only got a tiny factory and there's only five of us working there. I'm not sure we could supply an International market.”

“Shame” said Soderbread. “It's a shame because I have a feeling you and Mavis have the potential to go right to the top of the toffee industry.”

“ Do you really” said Mavis?

“Oh yes,” said Soderbread. “Do you know, I never eat any toffee that doesn't come from Northern Block Toffee and I make a point of giving your toffee to my best customers every Christmas.”

“Well I never,” said Geoffrey. “It's very good of you to say so Mr Soderbread but I still don't see how a little company like ours could supply thousands of customers. We have a job keeping up with demand at the moment and we've only got twenty six.”

Mr Soderbread shook his head sadly. “Oh well” he said “I'm afraid I'm just going to have to call in your loan.” Then he stopped and seemed to be mulling over an idea. “Unless” he said finally, “ unless I could persuade the bank that you have such a good business, we should lend you more money so you could get a bigger factory and a lot more staff.”

The couple looked at him in amazement.

“Would you really do that for us” they said in amazement?

Mr Soderbread smiled at them. “I am nothing if not an entrepreneur” he told them “and when I see a good opportunity, I grab it. Now, down to figures.” and he settled down to scribble out some figures. Geoffrey and Mavis sat for half an hour watching until finally, Soderbread looked up at them and beamed.

“Right” he said “here's the bottom line. New factory, let's say one million...”

“One million pounds” Mavis shrieked. “We can't afford a million pounds! How on earth will we pay it...”

Geoffrey quickly noticed that for one split second and in response to Mavis's outburst, Mr Soderbread suddenly looked extremely ugly and no where near as friendly.

“OK,” he said “a million pounds for the new factory and what else?”

Soderbread was mollified. “Then we'll need at least 50 new staff. Then there's redundancies and...”

“Redundancies” said Geoffrey. “Who's going to be made redundant?”

“We'll deal with that later” said Soderbread. “Now where was I? New equipment, computers, accountants, lawyers, Directors....”

“Directors?” said Mavis “Why would we need Directors? Geoffrey and I are the Company Directors.”

“Ah but” said Soderbread seriously, “we're moving into high finance here. Major investment from the bank, new technology, marketing skills, negotiation skills. The bank is going to need a couple of its own people on the Board as directors to help you with all this.”

Geoffrey and Mavis didn't look happy.

“But I tell you what I'm going to do” Soderbread said conspiratorially. “Instead of putting actual bank people in, I'm going to put in a couple of people from a very good consultancy firm to over see operations for the bank.”

Geoffrey and Mavis still didn't look happy.

“And do you know what their particular line of expertise is?”

“No” they said miserably.

“They are experts in, wait for it, confectionery!”

“Really” said Geoffrey brightening immediately, “you're going to put in people who understand toffee?”

“Toffee, Fudge, Truffles, you name it, they're the experts!”

“But..” Mavis started.

“So that's it then, they'll be round tomorrow morning with the Contracts and the new facility letter. Five million pounds.”

“Five million pounds!” said Geoffrey amazed!

“Yep, that's it” said Soderbread, “not a penny more. Take it or leave it.” and then he got up to leave.

“What are there names” Geoffrey shouted after Soderbread as he left the room.

“Mr Bankrupt and Mr Milkem” Soderbread shouted back.

“Those are funny names” Mavis said to Geoffrey.

“Probably French” said Geoffrey. “The French are very good at confectionery.”

To be continued........

Copyright N Barton 2008

4. The Letter

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS
AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH
by गोफ्फ्रेय्स्मुम

(थिस स्टोरी इस एन्तिरे फिक्टिशुस)

4.

The letter

The following morning Geoffrey had begun to see sense. What on earth did it have to do with him that a Banker had been strangled. It was a weird coincidence but coincidence it was all the same. He and Mavis were enjoying a breakfast of black pudding and mushrooms when the postman arrived.

“There,” said Mavis, “a letter from the bank and that'll be the formal demand from Mr Chargingbull. So he won't be dead then.”

Geoffrey let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't keen to get the Formal demand but he was keen to know that Mr Chargingbull was alive.

“That's strange” said Mavis scowling at the letter she'd just opened. “This letter is the same as the last letter we got from the bank. It says we have to go and re-negotiate our banking facilities.”

“But we've already done that” said Geoffrey. “We already know our accounts are shut and they want their money back.”

“That's not what it says here” Mavis told him. “This letter still has our old facility in place and it says we've got a meeting tomorrow morning with a Mr Lewis Soderbread.

“How strange,” said Geoffrrey, “I wonder what happened to Mr Chargingbull? You don't think he was the banker who was.....”

“No of course I don't. He probably just moved on to a bigger bank where he could get a better bonus.”

“You're probably right Mother. This town is a bit small for a man with such a demanding wife. To be honest it has been worrying me that a man like that was working in a town like this. I really don't think he would have met any of his aspirations here.”

“No, she'd almost certainly have left him” Mavis agreed.

“And then he'd have lost it all. The house, the Aston Martin, the dog.”

“He had a lot of commitments that young man” said Mavis sadly.

Aye, they don't have it easy these young bankers,” said Geoffrey. Then they went off to work at the toffee factory and they'd put the whole issue right out of their heads until they were eating their cheese and chutney sandwich at lunchtime. Geoffrey picked up the local paper and there, on the front page, was a picture of Mr Chargingbull, with the headline, “Murdered banker named as Mr Chargingbull'. The article said Mr Chargingbull was murdered at around 5.30am two days ago. The young banker who apparently had a chronic addition to alcohol, was sitting in his kitchen having breakfast of fresh orange juice and coffee with Tia Maria when an intruder appears to have marched in and murdered the him in cold blood. His wife, Tracey-Cleopatra, said he didn't have an enemy in the world.

“Oh my goodness Mavis, it all fits in to place. The time, the smells, it's all there. It must have been me!”

“Well it does seem a bit strange” Mavis admitted “but how could you have done it? You don't even know where Mr Chargingbull lives. And even if you did, you'd have to be superman to get there, murder the man at 5.30 and be back in bed having a nightmare by 7.30.”

“You say that Mavis, but what if he lives round the corner? And what do we know about how long it takes to strangle someone? I could have done it in minutes.”

“No, you're being silly now Geoffrey. We all know you wouldn't hurt a fly.”

“Ordinarily I couldn't Mavis but you should have seen me the other night, I was like a man possessed. When I started thinking about losing our business and that might mean we lost our home and our staff might lose their homes and that would mean Irene's poor children didn't have a roof over their heads. Oh Mavis, when I thought of all that I just turned into a regular killing machine!”

“Yes but only in your dream Fudge” she assured him. “It's just not possible you could really have killed him.”

“Well who did then?”

“Who knows” said Mavis, “maybe Mr Soderbread can shed some light on it at the meeting."

To be continued.........

Copyright N Barton 2008

3.The News

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS
AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH
by Geoffrey's mum

(थिस स्टोरी इस एन्तिरेली fictitious)
3
The News

Geoffrey and Mavis waited with trepidation for the post to arrive that morning. But when it did there was nothing from the bank.
“He said we'd get the Formal Demand in the post today” said Mavis.
“Perhaps he missed the post” said Geoffrey. “After all he had worked himself up into a terrible state by the time we left. And I imagine Final demands are quite precise documents to prepare. He probably needed a lie down before he could manage important documentation so he might have missed the post.”
“We'll probably get it tomorrow” said Mavis. So, in the meantime they went back to making toffee.
The following morning was just the same. The post man delivered a telephone bill, a catalogue for spring bulbs and an invitation for anyone over 50 to get cheap funeral insurance but nothing from the Bank.
At lunch time they took their normal break to have a cheese and chutney sandwich and a cup of tea. They'd made a particularly delicious batch of toffee that morning and it had quite taken their minds off the bank. Or at least it had until Geoffrey opened the local paper and immediately dropped his tea mug.
“Mavis” he almost screamed, “Mavis look at this!”
As half of Geoffrey's tea had spilt on the newspaper it was hard at first glance to see what had so excited her husband. But then she saw it, a tiny article in Breaking News tinged with a fawny brown tea stain, 'Banker strangled to Death In His own Home'.
“Well I never” said Mavis, “what a coincidence, you dream you strangle a banker and then a banker gets strangled. Right here in our own town. What a coincidence!”
“But what if it's not a coincidence! It doesn't give the name of the banker yet but what if it's him? What if it's Mr Chargingbull?”
“Well what if it is” said Mavis? “To be honest, he was a particularly unpleasant person and I imagine there was probably quite a lot of people who would have liked to strangle him.”
“Yes but how many of them were actually prepared to do it?”
Mavis shrugged.
“Me Mavis, me. I was prepared to do it and I did it!”
“Don't be a silly old fudge cake. You had a bad dream about strangling that nasty man at the bank and then you woke up, in your own bed and told me about it.”
“But what if I did more than that Mavis, what if I got out of bed and went round to his house and strangled him and then came home and went to bed?”
Mavis had had enough of this nonsense. “I think you're going down with something my lad. Either that or the stress of this nasty bank business is affecting your thinking. We're going to close up early today, we're going to go home and I'm going to make you a nice neck of lamb stew and then we're going to watch a Doris Day movie and go to bed.”
Geoffrey was about to object but Mavis had set her mouth in that certain way and she had her hands on her hips. So he didn't bother.



To be continued.........

Copyright N Barton 2008

2. The Dream

GEOFFREY AND MAVIS

AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH

by Geoffreysmum

(this story is entirely ficticious)

2. The dream

Mavis was very upset after the meeting.

“What's going to happen to us Geoffrey? How are we going to keep the Company going with no money? What about our mortgage? And what about our staff? How are they going to survive? They've been with us for years and they only know the toffee business. Stan's sixty nine now, who else will give him a job round here?”

“Now now mother, don't you go upsetting yourself” said Geoffrey. “We'll work it all out somehow.”

“But how? You heard Mr Chargingbull and, to be honest Geoffrey, that young man strikes me as the kind of person who'd steal his Granny's teeth is he could get a few pounds for them, so I'm sure he's deadly serious about getting money out of us.”

Geoffrey just kept smiling and saying it would be all right, just like Burt Lancaster or Stuart Granger always did in the movies. And finally he calmed Mavis down and they went to bed. But, in the darkest hours of the night Geoffrey couldn't sleep and he raged inside to think of all the years of hard work he and Mavis had put into the Northern Block Toffee company and how easily Chargingbull could destroy it all.

At about five am Geoffrey finally nodded off but the days events were still with him. He fell into a deep sleep and he dreamt he went round to Chargingbulls luxury house and he begged him to reconsider and not to call in his loan. He explained about Stan being sixty nine and about Irene, who was an unmarried mother with nine children all under forty and about Reginald who was a few shillings short of a pound but who could stir a pan of toffee consistently to the rhythm of 'Dancing Queen' for up to six hours at a time in order to get perfect smoothness. But Chargingbull just laughed at him and what ever Geoffrey said, he just laughed louder and louder until he was in tears of laughter while Geoffrey was just in tears.

And then, all of a sudden, Geoffrey was overcome with an irrational and overwhelming psychopathic rage. He sprang at Chargingbull and locked his fingers tightly around the man's neck. Then he pressed as hard as he could and, big as Chargingbull was, he couldn't prise Geoffrey's fingers away. Geoffrey could see that Chargingbull was having trouble breathing and his eyes were beginning to bulge out of their sockets but still Geoffrey clung on and on until eventually, Chargingbull stopped struggling, his eyes did one last whirl and then dropped on to his chin and Chargingbull was finally just like a lifeless sack of Jamaican demarera sugar.

“You'll think twice before laughing at any more confectioners” Geoffrey snarled at him and then he left the house and woke up because Mavis was shaking him.

“Oh thank goodness Mother, I'm here at home” he said as soon as he awoke.

“Of course you are Fudge (which was Mavis's pet name for her husband). But you were obviously having a terrible dream. Where did you think you were?”

“You won't believe this Mavis” he told her, “but I've had the most terrible dream. I dreamt I went round to Mr Chargingbulls house and I strangled him!”

“Well that might have not have been a bad thing” Mavis said.

“No, you mustn't say that Mavis. It were terrible. I had my hands around his neck and I just kept pushing harder and harder on his wind pipe. And I knew I was killing him but I couldn't stop myself.”

“It was just a dream” Mavis assured him.

“But it felt so real Mother. I could feel the bristle of hairs on his neck and I could smell his breath as he was dying. It smelt like, like, well it's hard to say but sort of like Tia Maria mixed with Cointreau.”

“That's an unusual blend” said Mavis “but then maybe you murdered him at his cocktail hour.”

“It isn't funny Mavis” Geoffrey told her sternly, “it's deadly serious.”

To be continued..........

Copyright N Barton 2008

1. The Meeting

This story is entirely fictional.


GEOFFREY AND MAVIS
AND THE CREDIT CRUNCH.


बी

Geoffreysmum

Introduction.

Geoffrey and Mavis are a middle aged couple living in the North of England. They own, or at least they did own, a small company called the Northern Block Toffee Company. Sabotaged first by a rogue bank manager, then by his rogue consultancy firm friends and finally by the Credit Crunch, they set out to end the evil practises of the financial sector and get Northern Block Toffee back in the sweet shops. This story is a dark and disturbing one of David versus Goliath or rather Northern Block Toffee versus the banks.

1.

The Meeting

Geoffrey and Mavis got a letter from the bank. It said, “you must urgently re-negotiate your Company loan.”

So they went to the bank, expecting to meet Mr David Likemall. But he wasn't there and instead they met Mr Angus Chargingbull.

“It's like this” snapped Mr Cragingbull immediately, “You've got our money and we want it back, right away”.

“But we've only got a small loan and we've always paid if off religiously” said Geoffrey “Mr Likemall says we're his best customers.”

“Well Mr Likemall is gone ” said Mr Chargingbull, “you're dealing with me now and I want all the banks money back by this time next week.”

“Next week” said Geoffrey alarmed “that's a bit precipitous isn't it? We've been banking here for thirty years. Mr Likemall is usually offering us money, not demanding it back.”

“Things are different now” snapped Chargingbull again, “people like Likemall used to give you all the money and people like me have decided it's time to get it all back. Your account's closed and I want your loan paid off by next week.”

“But what about Stan” said Mavis, “and Irene and Reginald? How will we pay them?”

“Who's Stan” said Chargingbull?

“He's our quality controller” said Geoffrey. “There's not a man in the whole country knows more about making toffee than Stan. He's been in the toffee business for....”

Mr Chargingbull stood up and sneered down at Geoffrey. “Do you really think I give a damn about people called Stan? I just want the Bank's money back and I want it back now.”

“But what's the rush” asked Mavis? “We've only got a year to go on our loan and then it will all be paid. Can't you wait a bit longer?”

“Wait?” shouted Chargingbull, “wait? Don't you read the papers you silly woman? We need all the money we can get. All of us, all the banks. The world may not know it but we've been losing millions. Mark my words the cat'll be out the bag and in the oven in the very near future. So we need money and if we don't get it back soon, people like me won't get our great big bonuses.” he was starting to get very over excited now and Mavis and Geoffrey both noticed he was sweating rather nastily and his nostrils were flaring.

“If I don't get my bonus, I won't be able to keep my luxurious house and I won't be able to afford the expensive holidays my wife likes or the expensive clothes and jewellery and do you know what will happen then?”

“No” said Geoffrey and Mavis, cowering slightly behind Chargingbull's desk.

“I'll tell you what'll happen” he screamed at them. “She'll leave me! She'll get a divorce and she'll keep the house and the kids and the Aston Martin and the jacuzzi and the dog and.......”

“Oh, now now lad, calm down a bit” said Geoffrey, “I'm sure it won't come to that. After all, we only owe you a few thousand pounds and that's not much in the...”

“Not much” Chargingbull started screaming again. “Not much! Do you know how many people owe the bank 'just a few thousand pounds'? Have you got any concept of the billions we're given little plebs like you?” he was getting very excited again now and there was very disturbing steam coming from his nostrils. “All you horrible little people out there, you come round here expecting us to lend you money and then...”

“But that's what you do isn't it?” said Mavis.

“What?”

“You lend people money don't you? Isn't that what Banks are all about?”

Chargingbull was so incensed by this comment he started to walk menacingly around the desk towards Mavis.

“I think its time we were going” said Geoffrey. And seeing the murderous look in Charginbulls eyes, he grabbed Mavis's hand and they ran out of the office.

“The Formal demand will be in the post tomorrow” Chargingbull shouted after them.

To be continued..........

copyright N Barton 2008